


Not the Only Tool in the Shed

by outherenow



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Renegotiated Sokovia Accords, Author is salty against Steve Rogers, Avengers - Freeform, Comics/Movie Crossover, Crossover, DC Comics References, Gen, Hurt Tony Stark, Jason Todd is my fav, Marvel Universe, Team Iron Man, Tony Stark & Bruce Wayne - Freeform - Freeform, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, justice league - Freeform, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27755938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outherenow/pseuds/outherenow
Summary: The dude with laser beams eyes, giant 'S’ painted across his very broad chest, picture perfect smile, and a cape that flutters when he flies is a completely new hallucination for Tony, and that’s counting those years in his early 20's he tried hard drugs and was perpetually drunk before Rhodey hauled his ass off to a discreet rehab center. He thinks the news says something about the guy redirecting an alien spaceship that had gotten lost in Earth’s airspace. No loss of life or damage done to property.So, clearly a hallucination. The Avengers could barely leave the house without blowing shit up.Ah well. Could be worse. He could be hallucinating everyone’s brutal deaths again. That’s always fun.
Comments: 19
Kudos: 471





	Not the Only Tool in the Shed

The first time he wakes up and groggily tries to make sense of the newscast being displayed across the admittedly swanky and expensive TV screen in his private hospital room, Tony’s brain convinces himself that its just the reeaalllyyyy good drugs being pumped into him at work. 

Though the dude with laser beams eyes, giant 'S’ painted across his very broad chest, picture perfect smile, and a cape that flutters when he flies is a completely new hallucination for Tony, and that’s counting those years in his early 20's he tried hard drugs and was perpetually drunk before Rhodey hauled his ass off to a discreet rehab center. He thinks the news says something about the guy redirecting an alien spaceship that had gotten lost in Earth’s airspace. No loss of life or damage done to property. 

So, clearly a hallucination. The Avengers could barely leave the house without blowing shit up. 

Ah well. Could be worse. He could be hallucinating everyone’s brutal deaths again. That’s always fun. 

But his body is still fighting for life, rebuilding itself in painful ways and about ten years of exhaustion and stress are coming to a head. 

Sleep, only partially drug induced takes over him again. Basically dying on the surgery table several times really takes it out of a person. 

The next time he wakes up, probably, days or weeks later, based on the weakness in his muscles, despite feeling more alive than he has in years, Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy are all waiting by his bedside. He’s going to build Rhodey a custom wheelchair and new legs once he’s functional again. 

There’s a lot of manfully avoiding the fact that all four of them start crying at some point. Pepper doesn’t even try to hide it. Honestly, Tony doesn’t give a fuck, despite his asshole dad’s voice ringing through his memory that this is not how men act, because these three-well, these three fucking loyal friends-are the best damn thing to ever happen to him. 

O0o0o0O

The doctors have been weaning him off the good drugs and onto the ones you don’t need a an IV pumping into your arm for. The type you take with a meal and a glass of water.   
Shame.

But he’s getting closer to being out of the woods yet and both Extremis and the Cradles usage has him slowly becoming stronger by the day. 

It also means when he wakes up to the tall dark, bat themed lunatic perched on the end of his bed late late one night, that he’s not hallucinating the encounter. And, oh hey, this situation is his   
wheelhouse even though, even though normally there’s a supermodel or four and some charity involved. 

“Hey Brucie, don’t bats hang from their feet?”

It’s not his best line by far but it least it gets a deep frown from Gotham City’s caped crusader.

“How long have you known?” the frown is gone, but the gravelly voice still sounds displeased.

“Since you first took in Dick Grayson as your ward.”

That had been years ago, and like several other lost and heartbroken other adopted family ago. Brucie had a whole army of kids these days didn’t he?  
“It was the gymnastics and the kid’s smile. Robin stopped me from being mugged once in Gotham when I drunkenly left a gala early and out the wrong door. Not you that gave the game away.”

“Thanks.”

Tony blinked stupidly at the first person to thank him in years for anything, never mind basic common human decency and took a too big gulp of water that caused his reconstructed chest to flex in pain, to buy himself time at how suddenly emotional he was feeling again.

“Hey, its not my secret to tell.”

Silence fell over the room as Tony rubbed his chest and his fellow billionaire turned superhero swept a calculating look over the few injuries not covered by the blankets Tony was snuggled under.   
Tony never good with quiet, broke it almost immediately.

“So what brings you by?”

“You’re going to be released in a few weeks.”

“Under strict care and a private medical team in the safety and comfort of my own home.” 

“That’s not going to stop the media, or the politics in play with the Accords.” Batman continued.

“Obviously.”

“Your former teammates are currently hiding out in Wakanda.”

“Oh, of course they are…how nice.” Tony rolled his eyes and tried to get his still groggy ass up to speed. 

“I haven’t been able to get data from your,” Batman paused almost as if he was choosing the right word rather carefully, “incident in Siberia, but I did monitor the airport situation. And the disaster in D.C. that for some reason you were left out of, but still handled the clean up of. And the New York invasion. I’d like to propose an alternative plan to you, since I have a hunch you might be less than keen to work with some of your old teammates.”

“What are you guys calling your selves?”

“Justice League.”

There’s a slightly embarrassed pause, “and we have a teen group too…”

Tony snorts, feels it in his chest, regrets it deeply, but the image of Peter Parker hand making his own costume in his Queens bedroom is enough to make it worth it.

“They haven’t narrowed their name down yet, but it’s probably going to be Teen Titans, Young Justice, or The Outsiders. We nixed several of their other ideas.”

“Oh, share with the class. I could use good laugh.”

“Team Superheroy McHero Face.” The caped Crusader, scourge of Gotham’s criminals voice doesn’t waver as he says the name. 

Impressive. But it must be killing the guy inside. 

“Think of the memes”

“I’m avidly trying not to Tony.” 

Batman sounded so defeated. 

“Anyway,” Tony did want to hear him out and did not have energy for this to go all night, “you guys have been biding your time in your own cities and countries as vigilantes and watching how we have been handling things.”

Batman doesn’t deny it. “planets too, actually, and adjusting accordingly. Not all aliens visiting our planet make such a show of it as the one’s you’ve fought or worked with.” 

“And now that we’ve fucked things up-“

“Oh things are fucked up alright, and no one is without some blame, but I highly doubt it’s as much your fault as you seem to think it is. It’s hard to accomplish anything without a trustworthy team that actually listens.” 

Tony rubs his chest and sags down against the pillows a bit more.

“Get some rest Tony.”

The next day Pepper arrives with a giant Teddy Bear dressed in the Boy Wonder’s bright uniform and a Get Well card signed by Brucie Wayne and Oliver Queen. Along with two rather sizable checks made out to the Maria Stark Foundation for the benefit of lives and property lost and damaged during the Avengers fuck ups.

Pepper looks a little less stressed for the first time in years as she hands the card and checks over to him and fusses over his blankets and pillows. 

O0o0O

The first day he’s cleared to leave bed and physical therapy without an army of doctors and nurses on standby he’s thrown head first back into work. He’s sitting at his kitchen table (now newly designed for wheelchair access like all his furniture everywhere was being replaced with) , smoothie made by any incredibly closely hovering DUM-E, Rhodey across from him. Both have giant stacks of very legal looking documents sitting n front o them. 

“Tackle the Accords line by line, Tones?” asks the man that his brother in every way but blood. 

“Like we got a choice.”

He signs the new and improved Accords two weeks later. There’s a few new teams in town and he’s already been introduced to some of the members of The Defenders and the Fantastic Four and of course, the rather larger than expected Justice League. Oh and there’s that spiffy little clause written in for the junior leagues. Young Avengers and Teen Titans. 

It’s a new future, and Tony’s always been all about the future. 

0o0o0

Tony’s nursing a soothing cup of green tea as he settles as comfortably as he can into one of the blush chairs in Brucie’s big media room. There’s beanbags chairs, every game console imaginable, and a shelf full of honest to god board games along one of the walls. It’s a room geared towards kids and having fun and Tony’s a little jealous that his childhood never held anything remotely similar. 

Brucie is settled in the closest chair next to him and most of Bruce’s kids are scattered about the room. 

Dick’s hanging upside down off one of couches looking unnaturally grim. Damian and his beast of a dog Titus are on the floor next to Dick as close as they can get to the older man without actually touching. The open sketch book in the boy’s lap is shielded from sight by the angle of Graysons body. They’re muttering to each other in a foreign language that sounds vaguely slavic, but Tony’s unsure. 

Jason’s aggressively chewing the nicotine gum Alfred had pressed into his hands when he had reminded “Master Jason that there would be no smoking in this house, young man.” The smacking sound is obnoxious and grating and clearly getting to Bruce, but Tony lives for being petty and annoying and thus can appreciate the tactic in others. It probably didn’t help the guys temper and nerves that Alfred also had him leave his guns out in his motorcycle saddlebags. 

Tim’s using an actual chair and a TV dinner tray table as a desk for his laptop and pile of business documents poled several inches thick. Ah the life of a teenage genius. Poor guy. Tony knows that feeling, but instead of piling more on Tim, Tony’s already noticed that the rest of the kid’s family keeps trying to get him to rest and he’s seen a skateboard by the door and brief glimpses of the teen’s laptop to know he’s switching between patent paperwork and some sort of RPG game. 

Cass also one of Brucie’s kids, Stephanie, and Babs were all unavailable but Brucie had assured him they were part of the so-called batfamily. 

Its warm, and mostly friendly (there’s some obvious issues in some of the dynamics at play, but they all seem more than aware of them when they interact with each other.) 

The sound on the massive TV suddenly blares to life and everyone focuses on the live newscast. Christine Everhart vicious as ever in her pursuit of a good story can be seen amongst the press.   
It’s an airstrip just outside of Newark, NJ. The sleek Wakandan air vessel lands and the cameras instantly zoom to the door of the craft, and the reason everyone is gathered with bated breath.   
Steve Rogers is the first off the plane small “ah shucks” smile on his face and a small wave to the crowd. Followed by stone-faced Natasha, a grinning Clint, Sam, and Wands. And lastly what’s his name, Scott, who is looking kind of lost and confused. A certain James Barnes is nowhere to be seen. 

Cameras flash and reporters swarmed and it’s a barely controlled mob scene around the returning group. It takes a good amount of time before the press is backed off and put into some type of order. 

Steve and Co stand in front of a podium and give a generic speech about how great it is top be back on American soil, some major patriotic pandering for a group that claims to have the worlds interests at heart-off to Tony’s side Damian openly scoffs, most unimpressed. 

Some poor over worked PR peon is starting to allow questions from the reporters.

A walking fashion disaster in a plaid shirt and khaki pants, and thick black framed glasses, but obviously in good shape by the way his arms flex in the rolled up sleeves gets called on.

“Clark Kent, Daily Planet. Will you all be applying to re-join the Avengers or one of the new teams?”

Bruce’s lips twitch into small smile and Dick outright laughs.

“Did you ask Clark to be there?” Dick asks Bruce, tumbling off the couch gracefully to have a better view of the television. 

Tony raises an eyebrow, unaware that the reporter and Bruce had any connection.

“Family friend.” Bruce answers Tony’s unspoken question, “and no, The Daily Planet was more than happy to send him without any prodding on my end.”  
Steve looks genuinely confused by the question. 

“Mr. Kent, we are the Avengers.”

“According to section 5.3 b of page 23, 34, and subsection alpha of the current version of the Accords that has been officially put into place currently none of you are Avengers, Mr. Rogers. Most of you are simply American citizens in the private sector. All of you will have to go through the application process to be approved to one of the teams.” States Clark easily like he has the whole Accords memorized, which based on how easily he could quote page numbers, that might be true. 

Before Steve can put his foot into his mouth even more the worried looking PR agent, points to Christine and now it’s Tony’s turn to laugh, a bit nervously though. There’s going to be bloodshed with her. 

“Thank you, Christine Everhart, CNN war correspondent. Mr. Rogers,” on the podium Steve twitches as a second person in a row refers to him under civilian terms.

“Though Mr. Stark has not held a public press conference surrounding the events that transpired in Siberia, only publishing a written statement due to lingering health issues, CEO Virginia Potts stated that the only reason Mr. Stark was found and rescued in time for medical services to save his life was that his wristwatch had a back up program separate from the Iron Man armor with enough power to send out a an emergency alert. Why did you not send out an alert yourself for your teammate or bring him to safety?”

“Tony was fi-“

“I think that’s enough questions for now,” both the PR agent and Natasha say at the same time as the media goes wild again.

Jason turns the TV on mute and addresses the room. “You know I’ve tried to murder B, Dickhead, and Replacement here each at least twice each and I don’t think I was ever as brutal as that asshole.”

“Um.” Says Tony. He’s joking right. 

“Eh, your heart wasn’t ever in it, Jay.”

“Oh, fuck you Dickhead.”

“I will gut you like a pig if you ever lay a hand on Grayson.”

“Damian, Jason that’s enough.”

Maybe not joking, and yet still less threatening than hanging out with Steve and Friends. How the fuck did Tony let things get that bad. Also, he’s going to have to double check the Justice League’s roster for Jason’s call sign. Jason hadn’t actually been allowed to join had he? What exactly was wrong with people from Gotham? 

“Anyway, anyone feeling some takeout after that shitshow?” continues Jason like he hadn’t just been threatened by an eleven year old and also causally admitted to attempted murder.

“I’d like to get some air actually, any good burger joints around?” asked Tony putting his cup of tea done and stretching, popping his back in the process. 

“Oh, yes. There’s a great place.” Says Dick with a smirk.

“I’ll meet you guys there.” Says Jason as he heads out to his bike also smirking at Bruce as he does so. 

Bruce is very carefully not rolling his eyes as he gets up from his chair. 

The whole group sans Jason piles out of the limo (the only vehicle big enough to fit all of them) in front of-

“BATBURGER?” 

Jason saunters up at that exact moment as Tony is staring up at the fast-food joint.

“Do you guys, own stock in it or something.”

“Nope.” Says Jason as he walks past and pulls the door open for Tony and the rest of Jason’s family. “and the company hasn’t gone public yet. Tim tried to buy stock. Make sure to try the Jokerized fries, they’re to die for. Trust me, I would know.”

“BILLIANIRE BROS!” is the title on at least three tabloids the next morning as someone gets a photo of Tony handing out with the Wayne’s at the most hilariously themed fast food joint ever. 

He’s actually really smiling in the pic when Happy tosses a copy of one of the tabloids on his lap the next morning back in NYC.


End file.
